The hardest question for me to answer is what do I want. Many look at this and see nothing particularly hard. “I want food, money, fame, love, acceptance, etc.”, but my answer isn’t any of there. In fact, I have no clue what my answer is. I know the cliché Christian answer is that, “I want whatever God wants“, or something along those lines, but I don’t think I can even claim to that. Don’t get me wrong, I feel like I have a purpose for my life, I just don’t think I know it yet, nor will know it till it’s already upon me. Life is about overcoming struggles but there are plenty of those times where we don’t even notice we are struggling. We are just living our lives and clinging to that fake world of stability. We don’t like to suffer so we many of us refuse to believe that we actually are. As a result, many people don’t get what they want. They fail their dreams and cling “to remembrance of perfection like most do after they break it”*, to quote a Relient K song. That’s why I don’t have a want, so my dreams aren’t crushed and God can use me without my own passions getting in the way.
(Man you just love these tough personal questions…)
One of my favorite aspects of myself is my love for kids. For some odd reason, God has just put this joy in my heart whenever I’m around and playing with them. I think this started through my church’s vacation bible school (VBS) program. I probably went once in my elementary years but I decided I wanted to help in the summer before 6th grade. I was assigned as a game helper, which was fantastic because I just played games all day morning long. I came back my 8th grade year as a group helper. The kids were split into groups and would travel around to all the different locations and such for their activates. One older person was put in charge of the group with one or two helpers. I really loved this job because I got to be with the same kids all week instead of seeing each one for about five minutes a day. The following year I was, again, a helper but my Junior year, I finally got to be a group leader. It was this year that it really struck me how much I love working with kids. I had a misfit group of a bunch of kids from different age groups who all got kicked out of other groups because they were to large. Everyday I’d have someone new, another kid or a helper, and we’d all just have a lot of fun. One of my favorite mementos is my group picture of that year. I wish I could describe to you how much that week meant but I just can’t get it in words.
Before I go super way over my word limit, I have to talk about Brandon. Last year I started volunteering in the preschool at my church. Now this kid, Brandon, just kind of attached himself to me. At first I thought he was just a really nice kid but one day his sister came in. She asked me if he was being all crazy like usual and I gave her a confused look. She then descried to me how Brandon is usually off the walls and doesn’t pay attention to other teachers and I was just speechless. Brandon had been super respectful for me and he made sure the other kids his age listened to me too. Just the other night, his mom e-mailed me and told me how Brandon kept asking where I was and how he got so excited when he found out he was going to the same school building as me.
Kids are just part of my passion now. While I’m getting a degree in secondary education, I’m still very much interested in helping with the younger kids.
* “Curl Up and Die” by Relient K.
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